Seerah of Prophet Muhammad 98 - Marital dispute with the Wives ~ Dr. Yasir Qadhi | 3rd December 2014
Seerah of Prophet Muhammad 98 - Marital dispute with the Wives ~ Dr. Yasir Qadhi | 3rd December 2014
We will resume from where we left off. We discussed the entire story of the mother of Ibrahim, Maria. Today we'll mention another incident involving the wives of the Prophet PBUH, which is the incident of the Prophet PBUH abstaining from his wives for one month. The famous marital dispute that took place, and Allah revealed Qur'an because of it. We have a number of internal evidences of the event. Some of these evidences are somewhat contradictory as is typically the case.
When Did This Happen?
The issue is we don't know when this occurred. There are a number of opinions when it occurred. Ibn Sayyid al-Nas says in the 9th year of the Hijrah. If so it's perfect timing with where we are. Other scholars say in 4th, 5th, 6th of the Hijrah. Again this is one of the big problems of the seerah, that we know many incidents, but we don't know precisely when they occurred. The same can be said for most of the ahadith, whenever the Prophet PBUH said something, we don't know when he said it, it's just reported he did.
We know when this incident took place he was married to all 9 of his wives. They were: Sawda, Aisha, Hafsa, Ummi Salama (Hind), Juwayriyya bint al-Harith, Zaynab bint Jahsh, Ummi Habiba (Ramla bint Abi Sufyan), Safiyyah bint Huyayy, and Maymunah bint al-Harith.
So he had all nine of his wives which means this incident took place somewhat later. Yet we have other evidences which seem to suggest this took place before the verses of hijab were revealed. This is somewhat problematic because he might not have been married to all 9 before these verses. Also, the verse Allah revealed is in Surah al-Ahzab - and this was revealed during the 5th year of the Hijrah, so this seems to indicate that this incident took place in the 5th year. But we can easily dismiss this opinion - just because it's found in Surah al-Ahzab doesn't mean it was revealed then. Because not every surah is revealed in its entirety; just because some portion is revealed in the 5th year doesn't mean the entire surah is revealed in the 5th year.
Cause of the Dispute: the Prophet PBUH Chose to Be a Abd-Rasul
Nonetheless, to understand this incident we need to understand the lifestyle of the Prophet PBUH. And as we know, he never lived a luxurious life. From his birth until his death. He had very humble beginnings, he was orphaned with no father; our Prophet PBUH tells us his first job was a shepherd, and he would walk for qararit meaning literally for pennies. He would live in the cramped house of Abu Talib with the other children. He had a small break with the marriage of Khadija RA; that's when a little bit of wealth came to him but it still was no way near the rich people of Makkah. He didn't even have transport i.e. a camel until the Hijrah. But slowly and surely the wealth began to come in, not to him but to the ummah. And in the Battle of Badr with the ransoming of over 70 Qureshi pagans, each one brought in thousands of silver coin. Slowly the tide began to change. The first huge break came at Khaybar, that the entire fields of Khaybar were handed over. And then Fadak was gifted to the Prophet PBUH. That was his main personal income, the plantations of Fadak, which was a sister city to Khaybar.
Remember Khaybar happened in the 7th year of the Hijrah - the narrations tell us that the land of Fadak was the main source of income for feeding his family. Remember this was after the Battle of Khaybar when he was gifted Fadak (a special gift to the Prophet PBUH). After this the largest gift the ummah got was the Battle of Hunayn - it was the largest wealth ever accumulated. How much of that did the Prophet PBUH keep? Not a single penny, even though the sharia allows the leader to take a share (1/5 of 1/5th).
It is authentically narrated that the Prophet PBUH did this by choice. In Musnad of Imam Ahmad it's narrated the Prophet PBUH was sitting with Jibril AS. And an angel comes down from the heavens. Jibril says, "This angel, Allah has allowed him to come down for the first time since the beginning of creation." So the angel said, "Ya Muhammad, assalamu'alayka, your Lord has sent me to ask you a question. Do you want to be a malak-nabi or an abd-rasul?" Meaning, a prophet-king or a slave-messenger. Subhan'Allah the highest position in this world is a king, the lowest is a slave. If the Prophet PBUH chooses to be a king, he'll be a nabi (prophet) which is lower than rasul. Or he can humble himself and be a slave, but be a rasul, which has a higher status in the court of Allah. Jibril AS made a motion with his hand that, "Go low," or in another version he said, "Humble yourself." And so the Prophet PBUH said, "I choose to be a slave and a messenger."
The narrator of the hadith says after this incident, he was never seen even eating with his back resting on a wall. Meaning what? The most simplest sign of luxury is sitting back and enjoying your food, yet, after this incident, the Prophet PBUH lived a life even more humble. Why? Because he chose to be a slave before Allah. Another variant of this hadith which is slightly weak is the same incident where the Prophet PBUH himself is telling Aisha what happened. And he says to Aisha, "O Aisha, if I desired that all of these mountains would be turned to gold for me, an angel came to me, his buckle (for his izar) was bigger than the Ka'bah itself. And the angel asked me, 'Do you want to be a malak-nabi or abd-rasul?' and I chose to be an abd-rasul." So this was his lifestyle.
At some point in his life, we don't know when, most likely 8th, 9th year of the Hijrah but Allah SWT knows best, the Prophet's PBUH wives would not have asked for a higher standard of living until they saw other peoples standards rising. When everyone is living at a similar level, then there's no need to ask for more. When did the increase in living happen? After the conquest, after Khaybar, etc. So slowly but surely the economic level is rising. Of course it was rising radically and exponentially during the time of the khalifa. By the time of the Umayyads, the Islamic civilization is ruling the world. It is the most prestigious civilization in the entire world. Allah knows best, but it makes most sense this incident happened later on.
And this incident was that the wives of the Prophet PBUH began asking for more and more. Now the details of what they asked is not in any book, and it is appropriate that such details are not mentioned. Whatever they said to the Prophet PBUH is in the privacy of their homes; what appears to have happened is that, there was a cooperative effort, a group pressure applied to the Prophet PBUH, led by two of his wives. Note we should never diminish their status; they are our mothers and what they asked for was halal.
In any case two of the wives coordinated a group effort. Why a group effort? It's more convincing and a stronger case if all of them are demanding a better lifestyle.
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The Incident of the Prophet PBUH Abstaining From His Wives for One Month
This incident is reported in a lot of detail in the first person by Umar ibn al-Khattab in Sahih Muslim. And of course Umar is deeply involved because Hafsa (his daughter) and Aisha led the cooperative effort.
Ibn Abbas narrates: "I was always anxious to ask Umar for over a year about the two ladies Allah mentions in the Qur'an (Surah al-Tahrim)." Look at his patience, eagerness and respect for the time of Umar RA. Ibn Abbas eventually found him alone and asked him the question, to which Umar gives the story of Maria which we've already discussed. But then, Umar RA goes on, "We were a people from the Quraysh who would dominate over women. Yet when we came to Madinah, we found that the people of Madinah were a group whose women dominated them. When we moved from Makkah to Madinah, our women learned from the women of the Ansar (to dominate men). I had a house situated in Awari, one of my wives lived there. One day I became angry at my wife and I said something, AND she responded back. So I rebuked her, but she said to me, 'You are rebuking me for responding back, don't you know that the wives of the Prophet PBUH respond back to him?' So much so that sometimes they abandon him in anger, even for a whole day." Subhan'Allah this shows us so many things, that the Prophet's PBUH wives had learnt the customs of Madinah. It also shows us the Prophet PBUH is tolerating this; and further the women of Madinah knew how the Prophet's PBUH wives treated him.
So Umar RA is shocked. He said, "I went to Hafsa immediately and asked her, 'Do you ever reply back to the Prophet PBUH?' She said, 'Yes.' I asked, 'Do you ever leave him for a day?' She said, 'Yes.'" Note one of the beautiful things of the story is that it shows us the humanity of everyone involved. We see here that just like every couple has its back and forth, the wives of the Prophet PBUH responded back to him and in irritation not even speaking to him for half a day or so. This is kufr if anyone else were to do this. But things are allowed for his wives. So Umar RA rebuked Hafsa and told her, "Are you a fool? Whoever does this has lost everything." He is angry at Hafsa, and says to her, "Are you not scared of the anger of Allah upon you if the messenger is angry with you?" So Umar is acting like every Muslim other than the wife of the Prophet PBUH should act. Then he commands her, "Never reply back to the Prophet PBUH, and never ask him for any of your needs. Come to me - don't irritate him for anything. Let not the status of your companion (Aisha) deceive you about your own status." Meaning he is hinting at Aisha. And he says, "Don't make qiyas upon Aisha and what she does, for indeed she is more graceful and dearer to the Prophet PBUH than you are." Meaning, 'She will get away with things you won't.'
This shows us again, it's human nature, the one whom you love will be able to do more than the one we don't. For a parent, a child can do anything but they'll still be forgiven by the parent. So Umar RA is effectively saying to Hafsa, 'You are not Aisha so you won't get away with everything she does.' Recall Hafsa had been divorced before but Allah sent Jibril down to tell the Prophet PBUH to take her back because she is a lady who, "Prays and fasts and will be your companion in Jannah" (in the Qur'an).
Umar continues, "I used to have a companion from the Ansar and we would take turns accompanying the Prophet PBUH." Meaning Umar and all the sahaba had their lives to live as well. They have to toil, work and struggle to earn a living. So Umar is busy in his life but he also wants to benefit from the company of the Prophet PBUH. So he used to alternate with an Ansari; one day Umar did the chores, his companion went to the Prophet PBUH. The other day Umar went and the Ansari did the chores. Look at how much eagerness they have to be with the Prophet PBUH. Further he said, "During this time we were discussing the Ghassanids and how they might attack us." This is why some scholars say this incident occurred before Tabuk because after Tabuk the Ghassanids were not a threat.
He said, "One day after Isha when I went to sleep, my neighbor came knocking on my door." Umar rushes out and said, "What is the matter, have the Ghassanids attacked?" His neighbor says, "No, something worse has happened. The Prophet PBUH has divorced his wives." This is amazing. Why? The Ghassanids attacking is war. Yet for the Ansari, the wives being divorced is worse than war. Because it's a personal loss for the Prophet PBUH which is worse than war. Therefore Umar RA said as soon as Fajr was prayed, he dressed himself and rushed to the house of the Prophet PBUH. Of course he was not there. Then Umar RA went to Hafsa and she was crying. Umar RA asked her, "Has the Prophet PBUH divorced you all?" Hafsa said, "I don't know, however he has left us and gone to an attic room." In another version also in Sahih Muslim Umar says, "I rushed after Fajr and I found all of the people gathered in the masjid," meaning they are concerned about what is going on. Rumors had spread the Prophet PBUH has divorced all of his wives. So Umar says, "I went to Aisha" - note this is the evidence used by some to say this happened before the verse of hijab because he would not have gone to Aisha otherwise. Others say he visited her and she was behind the curtain. Nonetheless, he asked her, "O daughter of Abu Bakr, have you gone to the extreme of troubling the Prophet PBUH?" So he is rebuking her. So Aisha replied with a sharp tongue, "O son of Khattab, go and take care of your own vessel" i.e. Hafsa. So Umar RA realizes Hafsa is also guilty. Then according to this version he goes to Hafsa and finds her crying.
So Umar is rebuking Hafsa. And says to her, "Didn't I tell you this would happen? Didn't I tell not to answer back to him?" He then said harshly, "You know that Allah's messenger does not love you, and were it not for the fact I am your father, he would have divorced you before." Of course after hearing this she breaks down crying more. Then he asks her, "Where is the Prophet PBUH?" And she says he is the attic room. It appears in the masjid of the Prophet PBUH, there is a small chamber you had to climb a ladder to reach where he would sit for privacy or sleep. So Umar RA says he went to that room and there was one of the servants of the Prophet PBUH. So he said, "Ask permission from the Prophet PBUH if I can enter." In one version the servant goes in to ask, and says to Umar, "I mentioned you are outside but the Prophet PBUH did not respond." So he goes to the mimbar in the masjid, waits, then goes back. The second time the servant comes back with the same response, "He didn't say anything." Then the third time he comes and permission is given.
In another version he asked permission three times, and then the third time he says it loudly so the Prophet PBUH can hear, "Go ask permission for I think the Prophet PBUH is thinking I am coming for the sake of Hafsa. No wallahi that isn't the case, for if Allah's messenger told me to execute Hafsa I would follow that command." So according to this version when he says this he is given permission to enter the room.
Of course this is the famous incident of the seerah that we've all heard. That Umar RA looks in the small room and says, "I only found in it some barley (wheat), a chamber pot and I began to cry looking at this sparse room. And the Prophet PBUH was reclining on a fiber mat (made out of the branches of the date palm), so when he turned around to see me, I could see the marks of the fiber on his back." So Umar RA asked him, "Ya Rasulullah have you divorced your wives?" The Prophet PBUH said, "No, I have not." Umar RA said, "Allahu akbar." This is the sunnah of hearing good news.
Here is where also Umar realized he needs to alleviate the tension. So he tried to have a conversation, "Ya Rasulullah, don't you remember the people of Quraysh how we would dominate over our women, the good old days, but then we came to Madinah and we found the opposite, and our women have learnt from their women. One day I became angry at my wife, lo and behold she replied back to me which I didn't approve. But she told me, 'Who are you to not approve when the wives of the Prophet PBUH reply back to him.' I went to Hafsa and I told her, 'Be careful, don't reply back to the Prophet PBUH.'" He even told the Prophet PBUH that he told Hafsa, 'Don't be conceived by the status of Aisha.' So Umar RA told the entire story to the Prophet PBUH. At this the Prophet PBUH smiled. Umar's alleviating is working here. This shows us that, the common thing of human society is that husbands come together and crack jokes at their wives. Similarly wives come together and put their husbands down. This is the reality that we find comfort in numbers. Here we have Umar RA and the Prophet PBUH talking about women and their wives. We also learn when someone is in pain, we should bring some lightheartedness into the mood and situation.
When Umar RA saw the Prophet PBUH smile, this made him encouraged and continued talking to the Prophet PBUH to which the Prophet PBUH smiled again. At this Umar asked, "May I sit down and have a conversation?" meaning he hasn't even sat down yet. Then the Prophet PBUH gave him permission. Subhan'Allah this shows us the gentleness and wisdom of Umar RA.
This is when Umar says, "I sat down and lifted my head to see what else is in the room, but by Allah I couldn't see anything in that room other than some animal hides. I said, 'O Messenger of Allah, why don't you make du'a to Allah that we have wealth, as He has given wealth to Persia and Rome, Kisra and the Caesar even though they don't worship Allah?" At this Umar RA began to cry. So the Prophet PBUH said, "Why are you crying?" Then Umar RA said, "Why should I not when this mat has left its mark on your back, and you are Allah's messenger, and compare this to Caesar and to Kisra. You are the Mustafa, the Habib, the Chosen One, the Messenger of Allah and you are living like this, when they are living like that." When he said this, our Prophet PBUH got up from the mat and he said, "O son of Khattab, are you in doubt? Are you not content that Allah has chosen us over them for the next world and given them this world?" In another version the Prophet PBUH said, "They've been given the good in this world so they have nothing in the next life." So Umar RA said, "Ask Allah to forgive me."
Now the Prophet PBUH did not live here. This wasn't his house. His house was a notch above this, but still very sparse. He had a blanket and a cot, but not much else in material wealth.
(Tangent: We see here that to judge the success of a person based upon his wealth or material possessions is wrong. True success is the akhira, gained by living a moral and virtuous life. This is very true in our times. The Prophet PBUH is asking Umar, "Do you doubt?" That very doubt is the problem in the ummah today, especially in the youth. They sometimes think, "Why do our countries have low GDP? Why is Japanese more advanced in technology? etc." This is a question with deep theological responses. The simplest answer is right here: Yes, Islam doesn't tell you to NOT be scientific or technological, but that is not the true success. Success is not based on GDP and how technological a society is. It's possible Allah will bless others with more in this world, but we have the correct theology and religion which is far more precious. Also perhaps the nonbelievers are blessed because their good deeds are being returned to them in this world. That is extra money, extra prosperity, better life, etc. So these are responses to the question, 'Why do nonbelievers live materially better lives.')
Back to the story: The Prophet PBUH had taken an oath to Allah that he would not come close to his wives for one month. At the end of the one month, on the 29th day, Urwah says that Aisha says, "O messenger of Allah you've taken an oath to stay away for one month but it's only been 29 days." The Prophet PBUH said, "The month may be 29 days as well." Note we see here that Aisha is counting every single day. She is under tension and distress so when the Prophet PBUH comes back on the 29th day, she is worried the Prophet PBUH might be committing a sin. So she attempts to correct the Prophet PBUH and tell him, "This is the 29th day," but the Prophet PBUH said, "No a month could be 29 days." So what happened after these 29 days? Another version tells us. And that is that, after staying away for one month, the first house he went to was Aisha's. And he said to her, "O Aisha, I'm going to talk to you about a matter and don't be hasty in this decision. And go and consult your parents before you come back to me." She said, "What is the matter ya Rasulullah?" And then the Prophet PBUH recited Surah al-Ahzab verses 28-29:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ إِن كُنتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا فَتَعَالَيْنَ أُمَتِّعْكُنَّ وَأُسَرِّحْكُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلًا
33:28. O Prophet, say to your wives, "If you should desire the worldly life and its adornment, then come, I will provide for you and give you a gracious release.
وَإِن كُنتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَالدَّارَ الْآخِرَةَ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ أَعَدَّ لِلْمُحْسِنَاتِ مِنكُنَّ أَجْرًا عَظِيمًا
33:29. But if you should desire Allah and His Messenger and the home of the Hereafter - then indeed, Allah has prepared for the doers of good among you a great reward."
What does this mean? Remember the Prophet PBUH had access to wealth. That's the key point. He had plenty of access and his wives wanted some of that wealth. So they aren't asking for things beyond what he had. They were asking for a fair share. So Allah revealed in Surah Ahzab, that, "If you want this world and its beauty, come I will give you a good amount and then let you go a gentle letting go." Meaning: A simple divorce. "But if you want Allah and His messenger and the next life, then Allah has promised the righteous amongst you a very good reward." A beautiful and simple choice. Notice what the wives were asking for is not a sin, makruh or haram. It's allowed. So Allah says, "If you want it, take it, but you won't live with the Prophet PBUH after that."
Now of course the whole point of the topic today is that, our Prophet PBUH wanted to live that lifestyle to be the ultimate role model. What the wives wanted was halal, and nothing is diminishing in their character if they want to live a better life. Knowing they have access to this money; but you see, our Prophet PBUH could not have lived that lifestyle. And it's not appropriate for him to do so. So anybody who wanted him must choose a lifestyle of humbleness and servitude. This is what Qur'an came down to say. That if you choose Allah and His messenger, you'll get your reward in the next life. So this was the choice put to every one of his wives, beginning with Aisha. The Prophet PBUH said to her, "Don't be hasty, think about it, go ask your mother and father."
Aisha narrates in the first person (in another hadith) that, "He told me to consult my parents because he knew my parents would never tell me to leave." Meaning she felt the Prophet PBUH maybe assumed she might want to leave. And of course the Prophet PBUH did not want her to leave. But he might have been worried this young girl wants to leave. At this Aisha responded, "What is there to consult, ya Rasulullah? I have chosen Allah and His Messenger and the akhira." This shows us the maturity of Aisha. This also shows us when the choices are clear, you don't have to pray istikhara or ask people. It's crystal clear what needs to be done. It also shows us Aisha's Iman and Taqwa. She then says, "O Messenger of Allah, don't tell your other wives I've chosen you," meaning she wants the others to choose something else.
Our Prophet PBUH said, "Allah has sent me as a conveyor, not as someone who cuts off or is harsh." Meaning it's not her right to ask this of him. This shows us no doubt he loved Aisha more than his other wives, but his extra love never caused him to not be fair with his other wives. And so obviously every single wife chose to stay with the Prophet PBUH. None of them even considered leaving the Prophet PBUH. This is exactly what we expect from our Mothers.
Umar RA, in another version, adds a detail that he says to the Prophet PBUH, "O messenger of Allah, if you have any trouble with any of your wives and you want to divorce them, know that Allah, his angels, Jibril, Mikail, and I, and Abu Bakr and all the believers are with you." Umar RA said, "I would always hope Allah would back me up in what I would say." And so it happened that during Umar's life, Allah did reveal verses to back up what Umar RA had said. It happened on 3 different occasions and this is one of them. In Surah al-Tahrim verse 4, Allah says:
إِن تَتُوبَا إِلَى اللَّهِ فَقَدْ صَغَتْ قُلُوبُكُمَا ۖ وَإِن تَظَاهَرَا عَلَيْهِ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ هُوَ مَوْلَاهُ وَجِبْرِيلُ وَصَالِحُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ۖ وَالْمَلَائِكَةُ بَعْدَ ذَٰلِكَ ظَهِيرٌ
"If you two [wives] repent to Allah, [it is best], for your hearts have deviated. But if you cooperate against him - then indeed Allah is his protector, and Gabriel and the righteous of the believers and the angels, moreover, are [his] assistants." [66:4]
And Umar RA said something similar to this phrase, so Allah backed him up. Ibn Abbas in Bukhari says, "One day we woke up and rumors spread that all the wives had been divorced. And they were all crying. And all of their families were with them. So I went to the masjid, and it was full of people. And Umar came when the Prophet PBUH was in his private room. He asked permission to enter three times (same as Umar narrated) and then he entered, and asked the Prophet PBUH if he had divorced his wives. The Prophet PBUH said, 'No, but I have done ila for one month from them.' So he remained for 29 days away from his wives, and then he entered upon them after this."
So this is the famous story of the Prophet's PBUH ila. What is ila? It's to make an oath to Allah, that you will not come close to your wife for a period of time. This is permissible if the period of time is less than 4 months. And it is used when marital disputes are going out of hand, and the husband wants some time to be away, think, and cool down. So this is what ila is. And our Prophet PBUH did it for one month (which can be 29 or 30 days). This is the famous story, and many benefits can be derived.
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Points of Benefit From the Incident
Of these benefits:
1. Social customs and gender roles vary from society to society. And Islam does not dictate a particular, specific gender role as long as the overall guidelines of the sharia are met. This is very clear: How women interacted with men in Makkah was very different to how they interacted with men in Madinah. Islam did not come to say the Makkan interaction is right. Rather Islam allowed them both. This is something we see in every culture in Islamic society; the women of one land might be more bold, etc. The sharia does not have a particular stance; as long as the laws of the sharia are met, there's no harm in us adopting our own culture. This is very relevant to us in the western world. Our gender interactions and roles are very different to the bulk of the Muslim world. We have extremes on both sides, but the sharia allows a spectrum, and beyond that spectrum is haram. There is no doubt modern western society is far more progressive.
2. The humanity of the Prophet's PBUH wives, and the Prophet PBUH himself. If Allah had willed our Prophet PBUH could have had a fairy tale marriage. Also if Allah had willed we would not have heard of any of these things. But these incidents bring to home, that even our Prophet PBUH was having marital disputes. The wife might say something, the husband might say something: This is life. Why would Allah give this to our Prophet PBUH? And not give him a fairy tale marriage? The response is, how else would we learn how to cope with our own marital issues? Our Prophet PBUH was a human (the best human), and his wives were human. Thus their problems were resolved in the best of manners and we learn how they resolved their problems.
Of the most important thing, in this society, women were mistreated and abused. It was the norm to physically discipline one's wives. Yet our Prophet PBUH never once lifted his finger against a wife, in a society where it was the norm. Yet as Aisha herself said, "Wallahi never was the hand of the Prophet PBUH lifted up against any women or servant." So this demonstrates the perfect role model in the treatment of women. However disciplinary action is sometimes required. What is that? First ask, talk and demand what you want. After that, leave for a while and let things calm down. Allah says in the Qur'an, "Leave and abandon them in their houses." Notice if the man tells his wife to leave, this is un-Islamic and wrong. The man must leave, not the women. This again shows us the mannerisms of Islam, you never kick a woman out of her own house.
3. The news of the marital problem of the Prophet PBUH spread to the entire city. Not just this, Allah revealed it in the Qur'an. This shows us that, to have a marital problem, is not in and of itself so embarrassing that it's taboo and no one can talk about it. We have extremes in our society where it becomes complete taboo to mention marital problems. And that's an issue, because by discussing it with other people, solutions can be found. As usual Islam is in the middle. You don't go and tell every minor little thing to everyone. On the flip side nor should you think it is taboo to tell major problems. In this incident the whole city of Madinah knows and they are in the masjid crying because they love the Prophet PBUH. But the Prophet PBUH is not embarrassed. The good marriage is not one without problems; it's one where problems are trivial and resolved swiftly. How often did this incident happen in the lifetime of the Prophet PBUH? Once. This is the ideal marriage. One time it got so bad, he demonstrated to us how to deal with it. And subhan'Allah one of the best ways to solve an issue is to just separate and let both parties cool off. As for our Prophet PBUH he didn't do anything wrong, but he gave his wives the opportunity to think and calm down.
4. The in-laws can and should get involved. Umar RA comes and talks to Hafsa, "Don't do this, do that. If you need anything come to me," etc.
5. Fiqh benefit: The husband has the right to give his wife the option of divorce. In fiqh it's called 'ikhtiyar' i.e. choose. This is what the Prophet PBUH did. So a husband can tell the wife, "Look you have a day, think about it, if you want a divorce you may divorce." So he gives her the power of divorce. Usually the man has the power, but it's halal and wise to give that power to the women. In this case, the Prophet PBUH did not want divorce, so he tells his wives, "If you want it, it is your choice." Most of the fuqaha allow it and say a time period should be given. Others say it can be unlimited in time (in accordance to the Hanafi madhhab). The other madhhabs says there should be a time clause so Allah's statement of the power of divorce for the man still applies. Nonetheless you can give your wife a choice of divorce for a time period. If she chooses it, the divorce takes place at HER saying it. This is never the case except in ikhtiyar.
6. The main point is the simplicity of the lifestyle of the Prophet PBUH. Truly it's a sign of his prophethood. It's one thing to sacrifice for yourself, but to sacrifice for your loved ones is harder. That is setting a standard for society. Allah did not want our Prophet PBUH to live like a king. So he chose a very simple lifestyle for the Prophet PBUH, and all of his wives were given this option. None of them chose money over the Prophet PBUH and akhira, and of course this shows the status of the mothers of the believers and their Iman.